Last week, I wrote here about my struggle with wanting to be done nursing, but feeling like Jude still wanted/needed to keep going, and I made the decision to keep plowing ahead, but to take one day at a time and not making a wide-sweeping goals of how long I wanted to continue. What a difference this last week has made.
On Thursday I went back to work, and we were back to needing to get up and out the door by a certain time (7:10 to be exact). Jude had been waking up pretty consistently by 6:15-6:30, so the timing wasn’t a problem, but as any mom knows, the logistics can be tricky. To make a 7:10 departure work, I have to be completely ready to go before Jude gets up. I wasn’t really thinking about how my wardrobe might effect our nursing rituals, but I spent most of the summer in loose fitting t-shirts and after some self-esteem/weight/needing to feel good about myself moments I bought some new clothes for the new school year and they are decidedly not nursing friendly. Thursday morning was okay, but Friday morning Jude was a very unhappy camper when he was desperately trying to nurse and I couldn’t quite get my clothing to cooperate. In addition to my clothing changes, he immediately eliminated his morning nap when he went back to daycare. I guess he didn’t want to be the only one napping and not playing =) This led to something I hadn’t seen since he was born-sleeping in! After 2 days with no morning nap, he slept from 8 PM Friday night until 8 AM Saturday morning, and when he did wake up, he was happy, didn’t seem to be starving, and happily talked to me while I changed him, clothed him, and took him out to the living room where he had a sippy cup of milk with his dad. People, these are developments I could get used to! I kept him up Saturday morning as well, and Saturday night/Sunday morning looked just like the previous day, and we had our first 2 day stretch without nursing-without any tears, bad behavior, asking to nurse or any other clues that Jude was struggling with this turn of events.
But I have to say that the greatest difference is probably in me. I think part of my struggle last week was because I felt like I wasn’t ready for Jude not to be a baby anymore. Not that there aren’t any great benefits to nurse after a child’s first birthday, but I think for me because this was the goal I had set for myself I just maybe wasn’t ready to admit that we had reached the goal and were moving on? Maybe I didn’t want to admit that Jude didn’t need me in that way anymore? At any rate, I spent a lot of time thinking this week about all the things I love about this stage we are in. I love love love that we can sorta communicate now (nothing cracks me up more than when I tell him it is time for bed and I get a chorus of “oh no…oh no…oh no…”). Dinner time is a lot more fun now that he is eating what we are eating. I can get a few things done while he is awake, which is a far cry to when I pretty much held him whether he was awake or napping and I got nothing done all day. He gets excited to see us, and he just cracks me up with the things he things are fun or funny like stashing his toys on shelves or becoming obsessed with anything that has a handle on it. He is taking tiny steps and I’m sure he will be running around before I know it. He recognizes other kids and has a few dear little friends =)
On top of all that, dare I say it, the beginning of the school year was a lot more stressful than I was anticipating. Not unbearable, but definitely stressful. Lots and lots of changes. I’m hoping it will get better, especially once my students arrive and the music begins, but in a way, I think being done with nursing will be one less thing for me to worry about as the tempo of my life has shifted into high gear. If I didn’t need to work, I’m sure my nursing journey would be a lot different. And really, I do feel good about all the pumping I did last school year and for nursing a year. I just think it is time for me to have different priorities for my time with Jude.
All that to say, I think we are done nursing, and I think we are okay with it. It’s hard to believe we have reached that point, but I’m kinda into it. Bring on toddler hood (says the mom who has never lived with a toddler!)
Have a great week everyone!